The Next Horseman: A Comedy Playscript for Video Chat

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse meet for their centennial strategy call. They're firing Pestilence-and they need a new Horseman, fast! But who's the lucky candidate? Internet Trolling's too angry, Bigotry won't fit on the horse, and Injustice is just too easy to defeat. Will Climate Change get the job?

This fast-paced, funny (& ultimately hopeful!) script is designed for rehearsal and performance over any video chat.

Cast: 6 single roles and 3-13+ actors to double.

All characters can be any gender.

Running time: 30 minutes

Allison Williams' plays have made the Educational Theatre Association's "most produced in high schools" list, with thousands of productions worldwide. She's the author of Hamlette, Mmmbeth, and Drop Dead, Juliet!

From "The Next Horseman" DEATH: If it were up to me, I'd never have moved past the Dark Ages. But times change, and so must we. Let's get these candidates in-we've got a long list and I'm expecting the cable guy sometime between noon and next July.

FAMINE: What's broken?

DEATH: Nothing. He's on my list and I'm trying to work from home.

WAR: Hold on, before we attack this, what's the selection criteria? Is it fight to the death and winner takes all, or panel interviews?

KAY: Excuse me, Jerry in HR has issued a new policy against fighting to the death.

WAR: Sometimes I wonder if Jerry's really in tune with the ethos of our organization.

...

CONSPIRACY THEORIES appears, wearing tinfoil hat and Lizard People t-shirt.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Hi. Nostradamus predicted I wouldn't get this job, because you're all controlled by the government. Which is both incredibly far-reaching and controlling and also completely incompetent.

DEATH: And your passion is...?

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: I dream up unlikely and unfeasible scenarios and then people convince each other they're actually true.

WAR: How is that any different than Lying? Or Paranoia?

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: It's not. I just have a better agent. Would you like to hear about the Illuminati?

EVERYONE: No!

CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Um, thanks for your time. Is Social Media still here? She's my ride.